Good Morning Dear ones:
It my time with Jesus lately he keeps taking me back to my calling. I think because I have lost myself because of discouragement. For as long as I could remember my deep hearts cry and desire was always to be a mom. And the Lord blessed us with four amazing sons. It was also a part of my desire to be a mom through adoption. To be a mother to someone who needed a mother. Through that desire two little girls were given to our family. The adoption process itself wasn't easy. It took a failed international adoption, and three years in the foster care process before the dream came to fruition. To be exact it took 4 years, 2 months, 1 week and 4 days to finalize our first adoption. There were giants to fight through that process and since the girls became ours there has been giants like I never imagined we would encounter.
You see both of our girls have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. This is permanent brain damage. The suffer from a number of issues. The hardest ones are the hidden ones. The look like everyone else but are at least 3 years behind academically. Struggle to tell the truth. Struggle to have any impulse control or make good decisions. Gravitate to what is wrong. And this is daily and constant. And can be so exhausting and is always hard! These are just some of the lions and the bears we fight daily. Somewhere in the fight I lost myself and my hope. When you don't see your progress and feel like you spin your wheels in mud and go no where you kind of want to just stop spinning. It is so hard to pour yourself into a life and not know if you are making a shred of a difference. So you start to look for other things. Things that will make you feel like you are making a difference and then the things you are walking away from suffer. I have honestly doubted and wondered if we bit off more than we could chew or if we had made a mistake. Seriously doubting if I was the mom for this F.A.S thing. But God keeps bringing me back to my calling. And this word pictured from my Pastor this morning was God confirming it once again. Bringing me back to where I need to be. I am called to be a mother before anything else I can come up with to feel like I am making a difference in this world. Circumstances with F.A.S are completely different than how we had to parent our boys. The giants are way bigger than I ever thought they would be. But the calling is the same. I just need to be consistent in my calling. I feel my passion returning as I let this truth sink in. I am guaranteed the same power. The same God that brought us through challenges and giants with our boys and through the adoption process for the better and the worse will be with me.
As my son Elijah told me, I can't control what F.A.S brings into our lives but I can control my response and honestly I have been failing miserably lately. And as my other son Noah told me, I need to write down my wins, otherwise all I see are the never ending daily lions and bears we fight.
My calling, like yours, they may be different, but they require a great amount of faith. So I thank God for showing up for me. For speaking truth to me and getting me back on track. Adopting my girls will never be a mistake. It may be incredibly hard and lonely at times. But the mistake would be to abandon my calling. To give up. God never said it would be easy. But I do praise him for saying he would never leave or forsake me.
Today Lord Jesus I am coming back to my calling. Thank you for being with me. Thank you for forgiving my failures. Give me your power to fight the F.A.S giants and may (F)etal (A)lcohol (S)yndrome become (F)ulfilling (A)lmighty's (S)tory... not even my story Lord but Your story. Help me play my part in the story how you want me to play it, in Jesus powerful name. Amen