Hi Dear Ones:
Sometimes you cry so much in a day that your eyes look like baboon butts. Today has been one of those days for me. Have you ever been so low that it took significant effort just to attempt getting up? I didn't even want to go to church tonight. I mean for one, my eyes looked like the provided picture, but my broken heart made my eyes not seem so bad.
My sweet Zion encouraged or rather talked me into scraping myself off my soaked pillow and off to church tonight. Pastor Larry Brey was our speaker. He talked about how God made us and declared us good but so often we call our soil bad don't we?
He spoke about The Path, or what others do to you. You can have paths worn out in your life by people and often times by those who are supposed to be looking out for you. Pastor Brey said "The pain of the path will drive our decisions. Fear and anxiety are just emotional pacing. If all you have is the pain of the path you never see the purpose."
I have had the pain of betrayal in my marriage so huge in my minds frame and to be honest with you the mention of there being any purpose in this pain has stirred so much anger in me. I have not wanted to find purpose in it. I have wanted to run so far away from it because I don't want to feel this painful path. I don't understand it. And the sting is inexplicably tender and constant. It has changed who I am and my gut tells me I was made for more than this. But maybe that is where the purpose comes in. I have just been so completely terrified to let go and trust God to help me find the purpose. I mean hasn't he allowed this pain to go on for almost 25 years now? But something tonight as I sat in that church said if I never let go and trust and try to find the purpose in this mess then I am going to be worn and beat down forever.
Then came The Rocks, This is what you do to yourself. This is what is below the surface in your soil. The bitterness. L.B. said if you don't do something with the rocks they become weapons for you to throw at other people. You decide to have rocks of resentment or stones of celebration. In other words: Take your rocks and make a pile of them so they can be a memorial of God's faithfulness instead. THIS is what I want! This is the ground I need to work for me and mine. And trust me it is going to take some work.
Finally there was The Thorns, These are the things we were never designed to deal with like sin. These things are outside our authority. But Jesus wore a crown of thorns when he died for our sins.
My life has some worn out paths and sweet Jesus I ask you right now to help me find the purpose. How will others come to you because of this pain? Give me the faith frame to see it. As Pastor Steven has said. Faith may not guarantee your outcome but it can transform your outlook. So do it Jesus. Open my eyes. Show me your purpose. My life is also full of some nasty rocks. Help me do the ground work. Help me heal so I don't hurt others. And the Thorns, thank you for taking them, and help me be as you designed me to be.
I needed you to speak to me so desperately tonight Lord Jesus. Thank you
for letting me hear.