Sunday, November 1, 2015

Spreading My Wings

Good morning Dear Ones:

I know it has been a while. The truth is I have been in such a fog since April. A blanket of fear, hopelessness and sorrow has covered and almost suffocated me.

This will be one of the most complicated yet liberating post I have ever written. It will be raw and exposed but that is what I intend to do. I purpose to shine the light of Jesus, into the cave of darkness, the enemy has tried to keep me in.

Today is the first day of November and as the year comes closer to its end I honestly can say I thought this year would be the year my marriage would end also.

A ghost of sorts has haunted my marriage and heart for as long as I can remember. Much to my disappointment and frustration God has not chased this evil away. And as much as I have tried to harden my heart in protection, I have not been able to escape it.

The darkness has felt so hopeless. For reasons though, that I can't even satisfactorily explain, my heart has been shifting. The best I have to offer as an explanation is light. Due to several influences the murkiness has been illuminated and the evil that has attacked and obstructed my hope is diminishing.

If it had not been for people who have come alongside me, my vision would still be blind to hope. I'm talking about people who have crawled into the messy, dark, pit with me and Eric.  Those who have held our hands with white knuckles, determined to not let us give up. I am thankful for every ear that has listened without judgement. Every knee that has knelt in prayer. Every mouth that has spoken truth and encouragement. Your faithfulness and love amazes me.

I am also thankful for a heaven sent christian counselor who has spoken life into the death that has gripped us for so long. The truth of God's word will break your chains and set you free indeed. And I would be completely amiss to not honor Pastor Steven Furtick, Elevation Church,  Proverbs 31 ministries, and the First 5 app for helping me spread my wings of God's word and worship. Because of them I am gaining clarity and am seeing things as they really are.

Guilt is an opportunity for grace.
Hopelessness is an opportunity for faith.
Offense is an opportunity for forgiveness
Sorrow is an opportunity for strength and to rejoice in the Lord.
Threats are an opportunity to teach me to trust.

Today I see beauty in the brokenness. I inhale and exhale knowing who my real enemy is and rest in victory. Someone who is much bigger than me and who loves me so much that he died for me is in the ring fighting for me. "Though my enemies surround me, my God surrounds my enemies."

So this is how I will conclude this post and this year, with complete belief and assurance I say:

"You intended to harm me, BUT GOD, intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done..."
Genesis 50:20

I am spreading my wings devil. Watch me soar.

*Photo credit my awesome and gifted son Noah Selent.





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