Monday, January 19, 2015


Good morning Dear Ones:

So I know the tittle of this post is not the most exciting one but to me it is the most meaningful one. You see since moving to Charlotte I have been extremely frustrated. It wasn't until I went to church last night that I was able to define exactly why I have been so frustrated.

Pastor preached a word that permeated my heart. He said "The desire to be fruitful compels us, it is why we are driven." "There is no worse feeling in your life then when you feel unfruitful." Oh I wanted to scream AMEN! He wanted to make sure he cleared up that it is feeling unfruitful that is so frustrating which is different then being unfruitful. Because "fruitfulness is not always on the outside." As Pastor Levi Lusko said in one of his sermons "sometimes the mountain that needs to be moved is on the inside."

I desire nothing more in my life then to be fruitful. I want to bare the fruit that God created me to bare.

Pastor described how pruning is painful and it happens to fruitful and fruitless branches.  But there is a difference from being cut off and cut back. Being cut back is to grow back better.

The tittle of his sermon was, This May Take A While.

The tittle alone hit me hard. You see I have struggled with knowing we are supposed to homeschool the girls next year. I have felt sure it is what I am supposed to do but completely clueless as to how I am going to do it. Educating little ones who have permanent brain damage and who obviously are not typical learners feels very overwhelming.  I keep dwelling on how many times I am going to have to DO IT AGAIN with them. Over and over and over. But the hardest thought is will it matter? Will there be fruit? You want your efforts to produce progress. You want your energy to pay off. Fruit, fruit fruit. Its all I want.

Then part two of the struggle is laying down other dreams you wanted for yourself. Things you thought might be possible if you had more time, but now homeschooling is going to have that time.

Pastor Lusko also said there is a back story to faith. There is a middle to play out. In actuality "there is no need for faith unless there is uncertainty." "There is no product without the process and there is a cost to every calling."

As I embark on home educating children with special needs it is incredibly real to me that this indeed is going to take a while. And what is a while? It is indefinite. That is the hardest part. There is no frame of duration. Just a lot of back story. But as my Pastor (Pastor Furtick) said last night "It's gonna be worth your while." All the time, trouble and expense.

So what do you do when it's still dark. While you wait for the fruit? You remain connected to the vine. You REMAIN.

"Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me." I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:4&5

Oh how true is that? I can't homeschool apart from Him. I can't lay dreams down apart from him. I can't produce any fruit if I am not connected to the vine.

I choose praise to be my breakthrough. I choose to worship even during the while. While its still dark. I will not disconnect. It's going to be with my while.

Lord Jesus, I love you. Thank you for moving the mountains inside of me. Thank you for cutting back in my life so I will grow back stronger. Bring about the fruit in my life that I am meant to bare. All the WHILE I worship you.

photo credit: p medved via photopin cc

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"As for me and my family, we will serve the Lord."

Joshua 24:15

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