Tuesday, July 30, 2013

How I Want To Be

Hi there Dear Ones:

Yep I am still living. I know I have been away from my blog for far too long. I have been absent partly to not even being home for the summer. Eric, Elijah, Noah and I started Summer off with a bang with an amazing mission trip to England then a family trip to Paris. Then we went to Charlotte for a week with everyone. Also my It Works business is literally thriving and I gasp at how the Lord is blessing us.

I think another reason is the girls have just been doing so very well. There just hasn't been any heart wrenching situations to flood this keyboard with.

But that is not to say God isn't still at work on me. I am a constant work in progress.

I hate to say it but I still have relationship issues. My heart and mind will replay an offense over and over again if I let it. Sometimes I think I have beaten it. I really do. Then something happens and I realize I haven't beaten anything I just stuffed it down and pretended it wasn't there until something happens and light shines on the dark hidden spot and it feels very fresh and raw again.

The sad truth about it all though is it beats me. It makes me feel horrible about the kind of person I am. Unholy, a faith weakling, emotionally frail, yadda yadda yadda. You get the point.

Eric's cousin shared this photo the other day on Facebook at it literally gripped my heart because it perfectly depicted my hearts desire. This is how I want to be. This is like Jesus:

I want to see the best in people. I want to have a heart that can quickly and genuinely forgive the worst. Just like my savior has done for me. I want my mind to stop replaying the yuck. I want to forget the bad. And most of all I NEVER want to lose faith in God! Because the worst and bad happens. We are all human. I know if I keep my faith that every single thing that has been set against me will be redeemed. What was meant for evil will be used for good. Weapons are formed but they don't prosper. 

Father God you know exactly what weak areas I am struggling with. In Jesus name I ask that you will not let this beat me. That I will have victory in Christ. True freedom and victory. Not, a pain behind the smile, phoney, false victory, but a more than a conquerer kind of victory. The kind the radiates your Glory because you and I both know, in and of myself, is a slight flicker at best. 

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