Hi Dear Ones:
Let me just start by saying this isn't a typical New Years post. It started in my own personal journal. That safe place to be gut honest. In search of an adjective to describe how I am feeling right now ~
agitated came to mind. I looked up the definition and it was the perfect description.
Agitated - troubled emotionally and usually deeply.
Yep agitated is perfect. I am struggling greatly in a couple areas of my life. There are so many questions running through my brain. All I know is I want to hear from God. I want to hear what He has to say. I don't want to do things my own way. I don't want to miss His promises or become impatient and birth an Ishmael in my life.
In the midst of everything I don't know right now, I unshakably know and desire for Jesus to be smack dab in the center of every single area of my life. As Pastor Steven Furtick says I want everything in my life to orbit around Jesus.
As I was pouring out my heart in my journal tonight part of me felt guilty for some of my emotions. I wished for what I felt honestly to honestly be something different. Something more mature or more christian. Then when I put the pen down I picked up my "unglued" devotional book by Lysa TerKeurst. The title for my devotion today was "God I'm a little mad and a lot confused."
Here was the verse for todays devotion:
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
Followed by the thought for today:
"God is big enough to handle our honest feelings."
At that point my tears began to fall. What a wonderful thing that we can go to God and let our gut honest feelings rip. What a wonderful thing that we can trust him and not lean on our own understanding. How glorious that He is faithful and He will make our paths straight.
Lysa also included this verse:
"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:13 followed by this quote, "All your heart includes the parts that are broken.
I just thought it was cool that the father spoke to me right there in my agitated state. It's ok to be gut honest. God is big enough for my mess. He is so gentle.
As it was all sinking in, there was a little knock at my door. In came my son Noah. In his hands he had a little bag of Jelly Beans and he said he had brought them to me because he thought I had seemed a little down. Oh how it blessed my heart. In that moment I was thankful that God was putting things before me, like my sweet son, to give my eyes something to focus on and praise.
Honestly not a bad way at all to start this new year... don't you think?
photo credit: amanky via photopin cc