I'm timid to write today. It's easier when you feel some sense of victory already but a bit more challenging when your in the battle. I'm just going to share how God has been loving on me lately. As a parent I do my best to correct my children when they are not doing something that is good for them. I do this because I love them. I know God loves me and for some time now he has been dealing with me about how I have dealt with some hurts in my life. Seriously everywhere I turn there He is gently nudging me, and encouraging me.
There are just certain things in my life that have just come to the point where enough is enough. My last post was about complaining. Today's is about bitterness. Essentially all bitterness is is unforgiveness.
I have not set out to hold grudges mind you, but as I read my Proverbs 31 devotional this morning I feel like I get stuck either "pretending everything is ok or trying to prove I'm right." Stuffing or exploding. I want to be honest and make peace.
When I stuff I can sometimes even feel like I am fine but then you see the person or get an e mail or they come to mind and you begin to play the hurt over and over again in your mind giving that person control over you. Victimizing yourself over and over again. Keeping them in prison to the offense and yourself also.
I find it most difficult when someone doesn't say sorry or doesn't even acknowledge or own the hurt they have caused. Waiting around for that apology that may never come is exhausting. It totally robs you. This is not how I want to live. Enough really is enough.
Forgiving does not deny or diminish the hurt. It isn't even forgetting it. It is a gift. A release. Canceling the debt. Breathing again. Im tired of life being choked out of me because I can't let things go.
So I am in process. I am in daily prayer. Im canceling the debt. I don't want to stop until every bitter root has been dug up and removed with the shovel of forgiveness. I will be completely honest with you, sometimes I know exactly what I have to do but don't even know where to begin to know how to do. So I'm trusting my Jesus. He has brought this to my attention for my good. He has better for me. He loves me. He who has begun this work in me will be faithful to complete it.
Time to dig...