Friday, January 13, 2012

My Bad

Dear Ones:

A friend of mine sent me a link this morning saying that the posting link problem with facebook was a common problem for many users, and from what I have been able to read it was a problem between facebook and blogger. In fact I actually was able to post a link again last night. This makes me feel better on some level to think someone I know did not find my postings so annoying that they had to mark it as spam. On another level it makes me feel foolish that it affected me so much emotionally. I also don't think it is right for facebook to give me a message that my post was marked as spam by someone when it was their issue. All in all though I am glad the problem is fixed and even though things were not as they seemed I am thankful my loving heavenly father still used all things for good to speak to me. I hope in my reaction I did not offend anyone. If so please have some grace towards me and forgive me. I hope all of you will have a blessed weekend.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

A Thank You For The Thank You's

Dear Ones:

Good Morning. I just wanted to share with you some of how God has spoken to me this morning. I had my feelings hurt yesterday and my confidence and drive took a plunge. So I took my hurt feelings before my heavenly father this morning.

Yesterday I went to share one of my blog posts on my facebook page. As I went to enter the link it told me that my blog links had been blocked because someone marked my link as spam. I don't really know how posting a link about your blog on a page made for your blog is spam but what can you do?

It hurt my feelings and was a blow to my confidence. I have even been taking measures to insure that my writings are only reaching those who actually desire to read what I write like setting up a feed so that my posts only go out to those who subscribe to the feed. I know not everyone has to like or agree with what I write. I guess I just didn't expect that to happen on my own page that I use to help get the word out about my blog.

I started to feel like I must be fooling myself to think my writings matter. I began to feel jealous of others success. The whole comparison of Behind the Scenes and Highlight Reels again.

I began to doubt if my passion for writing was God given or not. I compared it to Guatemala and Foster care. When we started our adoption journey my heart was set on Guatemala. I hated the whole process of Foster Care. It is obvious to me now that God's plan was better than mine, so I wondered is this the way it is with my writing dream?

I will be honest with you, I want to grow in this love affair with communicating with my written words. I want a big blog following and lots of e mail subscribers. I want to publish articles and yes even one day I want to publish books. But is this like Guatemala, and does God have a completely different idea in mind? I don't know truthfully. I'm afraid to miss God. To look foolish and fail.

 So I put my heart, fears and desires before my God this morning and this is what I feel he gave me. I am part of an online writing group...well by part I mean I get the groups e mails. This morning one of the participants wrote a message about how when Jesus walked the earth and when he healed the the ten leapers that 9 out of the 10 returned to their lives and never said thank you. He said how it can be that way with writing, that you can affect people and maybe only 10% will ever express how you have.

 He encouraged writers to think about the times when people do express their gratitude for our efforts. Then to visualize a multitude who would agree but never said so. So I began to think about all the words of encouragement that have come my way because of something I have written. There is a handful of faithful encouragers that lift me up on a regular basis with just about each post I write. So to those of you who take the time to express what my writings have done for you I say thank you.

I don't know if this dream of mine will ever get off the ground. It may never be any more than it is right now. But just like Guatemala I will trust that God has my best interest at the center of His plan for my life.

Once again thank you for the thank you's and thank you Jesus for making me a writer...do with it as you desire and may my desires line up with your plan.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Agape

Dear Ones:

This post should be a doozy. I'm not even really thrilled about writing it. I've been in a little bit of a slump lately. It's always hard for me coming off of a school break to get back into the routine. I've also had some conviction in my heart this morning too, and that is always chancy to share.

 I woke up mopey this morning. Eric and I have had some tension in our relationship lately. I thought I had been doing pretty good about letting things go but I got smacked between the eyes this morning that I really hadn't been doing so well as I thought. Seeking some encouragement during my devotion time this morning I picked up my new Proverbs 31 magazine. There was an article in there about "What Speaks Love to your Husband?" Instantly I cringed. All I could think about was well, I certainly haven't felt too loved lately. Pretty lovely huh? I didn't want to read the article. I wanted to read something to be on my side. I wanted to read something to make me feel better. I knew God was nudging me to read what was before me... begrudgingly I did.

I really didn't feel better. In fact I felt worse. It became apparent to me that I have been camping in the land of "focusing on what my husband hasn't been doing to meet my needs than on what can I be doing to meet his."OUCH OUCH and more OUCH!

I want so badly for my husband to love me with an agape love. You know like God's unconditional love. Where I am forgiven when I sin and given grace when I mess up over and over. Where I am loved and it's not based on fickle emotions.

Our church had a marriage conference a few months back and this was the main area that spoke to me as we attended. Agape love is not emotion based. You don't even have to like someone to love them with agape love. We learned at the conference that the devil is the "hurt whisperer" where every time your spouse fails you he whispers thoughts to you, accusing your spouse. Just like he accuses us before the father. God loves us with that agape love and even though the enemy may have an abundance of material to accuse us with. The Father doesn't listen. He believes the best about us and He will not change His mind.

I've failed miserably. I've been a fool and listened to the accusations and whispers. I want to shut the enemy up. I want to ask my husband to forgive me. I want to ask the Father to forgive me. And I want to ask for Him to keep the conviction coming so I won't stay in that miserable camp.

Make a point to love your spouse today as God loves you...




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