I know it's been a while since I've written. Honestly i've felt like I was empty. Nothing was inside of me to pour out. Well, I guess there was some things but none that would be edifying so I chose to keep quiet. We do have some random information to share for our prayer partners.
One, yesterday Big Sisters new bed finally arrived. It is so nice, the only glitch was they forgot to order the climb out preventative top. They are going to see if medicaid will cover the cost but we have been warned it is unlikely because it is $3,000 just for the top, on top of the $13,000 bed price. It honestly was a paperwork mistake at the time it was ordered. So we will keep praying about that and also for Mercy's bed process too.
I also heard this morning that our case worker of the past three years, whom we love, is leaving the agency and we will now have a new worker. We have felt so fortunate to have had the case worker we have had. The news made me cry tears of sadness and I'm not thrilled about more unknowns in our life but as my husband wisely pointed out the worker is not the One in control.
We still have heard absolutely nothing on our case for Big Sister and it has been over 7 months now since termination so any prayer cover into some resolution would be greatly appreciated.
Big Sister has been beyond challenging. Especially at school. She is refusing to cooperate and even hiding under tables and is consistently defiant and school. Sometimes it is so bad that the teacher has to call me. It has been weighing me down because I still feel like my toolbox is ineffective or empty in so many areas where the girls are concerned.
The boys have never been ones to give us trouble at school and if there has ever been an incident they responded to discipline immediately. This is a whole new ball game and I have to hope My God who is with me will equip and empower me to do what is before me. I don't think any teachers the girls have will ever nominate Eric and I for parents of the year. I feel like we look totally inept with them but that is just something else I have to get over in all of this.
Big sister was given a new medication with the hopes she would sleep through the night it has been almost 3 weeks now and I would say it is safe to say it is not helping at all.
Mercy continues to seek out sensory input, and one of the ways she does is through almost daily digging in her messy diapers and smearing it on whatever is close to her at the time including herself. She will soon start OT again to try and help with her many sensory needs.
Elijah had his cast removed yesterday but the bone is still the same as before it was put on. We will see a hand specialist soon to see if he needs surgery.
I've been struggling really. Usually when I feel discouraged or weighed down or lose hope I can press in and my heavenly father faithfully comes through with something to lift me up and encourage me. Lately the more I press in the more I feel surrounded by silence. I know He is still with me. That he never leaves me or forsakes me and he will lift me up, it just isn't happening in my timing right now and I feel bombarded literally with circumstances and challenges.
So I apologize for being a downer. This is exactly why I have been absent from my blog, because I want to be an instrument that shines with the glory of God. I hope this can be a safe place to reach out to you my brothers and sisters in Christ to come along side me and our family and lift us before the King of Kings. You can be sure that when he speaks and ministers to me I will be delighted to shout his praises. This song seems to ring true right now: