I'll be honest with you. I am struggling right now. The news about Mercy's bed really disappointed me. Plus this whole waiting for the judge to make a decision on the appeal for Big Sister is getting so old. I just want to be done. I am sick to death of appeal processes. I just want to be done.
So in lieu of my disappointment and frustration I thought I would write about something positive. I know my God has it all under control even if I have no understanding of the manner in which it all plays out right now. I am also thankful he allows me my emotions, I mean walking with the Lord is a relationship. My relationship with God is real and I get to be my authentic self with my heavenly father and he shapes me and molds me through it all.
So today I want to write about numbers. I guess another weak area for me is numbers. How so? Well I want to reach people with my writing. I truly believe it is part of my calling. I am currently doing a bible study on my own for writers. The devotional this morning written by an editor for a christian publication really pricked me in this area. Here is a quote from the devotion, you can fill in whatever your own personal calling is and get the same message:
"Writing is a calling from God, and a writer is serving God whether she writes an article that 300,000 people read or a best seller that one million people read, or a church newsletter that twelve people read. As long as it blesses people and is used by God, it is no less a calling."
As I read these words the Lord brought to my mind something that happened just last week. A woman found my blog and let me know how some of my blog posts really spoke to her and moved her emotionally. She also has special needs adopted children and was able to relate to pieces of our story.
I really can't tell you how much it blessed my heart to read what she had to say, on so many levels. I know what it is like to feel alone as you raise special needs children. So few understand the emotional and physical strain it can cause at times. You can feel so isolated. It was satisfying to think I in fact was used by God and it was a confirmation to my calling.
So I am surrendering this whole numbers thing to my Jesus. I may never reach the masses, but I trust that what the Father has entrusted to me with my story and my love to write it down that He in fact will use me.