This post should be a doozy. I'm not even really thrilled about writing it. I've been in a little bit of a slump lately. It's always hard for me coming off of a school break to get back into the routine. I've also had some conviction in my heart this morning too, and that is always chancy to share.
I woke up mopey this morning. Eric and I have had some tension in our relationship lately. I thought I had been doing pretty good about letting things go but I got smacked between the eyes this morning that I really hadn't been doing so well as I thought. Seeking some encouragement during my devotion time this morning I picked up my new Proverbs 31 magazine. There was an article in there about "What Speaks Love to your Husband?" Instantly I cringed. All I could think about was well, I certainly haven't felt too loved lately. Pretty lovely huh? I didn't want to read the article. I wanted to read something to be on my side. I wanted to read something to make me feel better. I knew God was nudging me to read what was before me... begrudgingly I did.
I really didn't feel better. In fact I felt worse. It became apparent to me that I have been camping in the land of "focusing on what my husband hasn't been doing to meet my needs than on what can I be doing to meet his."OUCH OUCH and more OUCH!
I want so badly for my husband to love me with an agape love. You know like God's unconditional love. Where I am forgiven when I sin and given grace when I mess up over and over. Where I am loved and it's not based on fickle emotions.
Our church had a marriage conference a few months back and this was the main area that spoke to me as we attended. Agape love is not emotion based. You don't even have to like someone to love them with agape love. We learned at the conference that the devil is the "hurt whisperer" where every time your spouse fails you he whispers thoughts to you, accusing your spouse. Just like he accuses us before the father. God loves us with that agape love and even though the enemy may have an abundance of material to accuse us with. The Father doesn't listen. He believes the best about us and He will not change His mind.
I've failed miserably. I've been a fool and listened to the accusations and whispers. I want to shut the enemy up. I want to ask my husband to forgive me. I want to ask the Father to forgive me. And I want to ask for Him to keep the conviction coming so I won't stay in that miserable camp.
Make a point to love your spouse today as God loves you...