Friday, November 18, 2011

Behind the Scenes and Highlight Reels

Dear Ones:

We all battle insecurity at one time or another in our lives. So this post isn't anything new. I am sure it is pretty common. But I heard something today that was fresh to me and I wanted to share it. 

My day started with just a flood of insecurity. After my post yesterday I actually shared with a friend of mine about what I have had stirring inside of me. My new dream. Only my husband and 2 other friends had any awareness of whats been going on in my brain. 

I think saying it out loud makes it more real. Puts you in a place of vulnerability.  So what I am about to share is really going to up the ante.

For sometime now I have had people tell me I should write a book. Each time I immediately shied away from any such notion. I mean, I can think of a million reasons why not to. Who am I? I have no education. I can't spell. I stink at grammar. Yadda yadda yadda....

So basically it was a dream that is just too big. Too beyond me and my abilities. I mean failing at being a consultant for whatever company you want to insert in the blank (I could insert several) is one thing, because you represent something besides yourself.

But writing... sharing your thoughts and your heart... well, that is a completely different realm of risk. 

All I can say it it keeps nagging at me. It literally calls me. Now, finding out whether or not this is part of my calling is the question. 

I do love to write, be it "correct" or not. Expressing my self through words simply elates me. There are times that I SIMPLY MUST get to the keyboard and get to my blog.

Then the insecurities creep in.  I can think of so many more qualified. 

I felt so bad this morning that I listened to an online sermon on insecurity by Pastor Steven Furtik. I love that guy. His messages always speak to me. He had an illustration today that was an enormous comfort to me. He was saying how we tend to compare ourselves when we feel insecure. (Ahem....totally guilty on my part.) The flaw with that though is we see all our stuff. All we struggle with. "The behind the scenes stuff." But when we look at others we see their "Highlight Reel." I tell you it was so profound to me. We all have our stuff. We all are in desperate need for God to do His work in and through us for His glory. I also thought it was pretty cool too how personal that makes our God. We each have our own story that really is HIStory. 

So what does this all mean. I'm not exactly sure honestly. I don't know when or how, but I'm still dreaming. We will just see where this all goes. Hopefully a Highlight reel.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Simple Blessings

Good Morning Dear Ones:

I just spent some time reflecting and worshiping. I was thinking about the simple blessings in my life. Sometimes as a stay at home Mom life can become very mundane but my God is so magnificent even in the mundane. 

My Mercy each and every single day tells me she wants to snuggle. She is completely irresistible I tell you too. So not only do I enjoy the bonding time with my daughter but I enjoy this sweet quiet time with my heavenly father. The three of us go and sit in our brown rocker and Mercy snuggles into me and she is completely still. I promise you there is no other time she is ever still but during this time. 

I use this time to reflect. I sing worship songs over her. I pray for her. I cry. I pray for my day, my family and my realm of influence. 

This morning as we snuggled. I was just thankful. Thankful for my husband and best friend. He is a treasure. Without him my life would be so empty. He loves me. Me without makeup. Me with PMS. Me with insecurities. Me with hopes and dreams. And he supports me in it all. Then my boys. With my older two, teenage years have been such a joy. They bring my heart so much joy. I am thankful that we communicate. That we have intimate conversations. That I get to sit on the sidelines of them growing up in Jesus. I love and like them so very very much. Then the middle two. I am thankful they they have such tender hearts. That Canaan goes on a date with his Daddy and of his on volition brings Mom home beautiful flowers and you can just see him bursting with joy to give them to me. I am thankful for Zion also growing up and the sweet Big Brother he is to his little sisters. He obviously loves them and they light up like a Christmas tree when he comes around. 

I am thankful for my God giving me new dreams and passions in my life. Even if I am too scared to share them with all of you just yet. I used to fear what will I do after babies. And My God has begun to stir things in my heart that completely scare me but at the same time are completely compelling . It totally humbles and excites me. 

So thankful for my simple blessings.

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