We all battle insecurity at one time or another in our lives. So this post isn't anything new. I am sure it is pretty common. But I heard something today that was fresh to me and I wanted to share it.
My day started with just a flood of insecurity. After my post yesterday I actually shared with a friend of mine about what I have had stirring inside of me. My new dream. Only my husband and 2 other friends had any awareness of whats been going on in my brain.
I think saying it out loud makes it more real. Puts you in a place of vulnerability. So what I am about to share is really going to up the ante.
For sometime now I have had people tell me I should write a book. Each time I immediately shied away from any such notion. I mean, I can think of a million reasons why not to. Who am I? I have no education. I can't spell. I stink at grammar. Yadda yadda yadda....
So basically it was a dream that is just too big. Too beyond me and my abilities. I mean failing at being a consultant for whatever company you want to insert in the blank (I could insert several) is one thing, because you represent something besides yourself.
But writing... sharing your thoughts and your heart... well, that is a completely different realm of risk.
All I can say it it keeps nagging at me. It literally calls me. Now, finding out whether or not this is part of my calling is the question.
I do love to write, be it "correct" or not. Expressing my self through words simply elates me. There are times that I SIMPLY MUST get to the keyboard and get to my blog.
Then the insecurities creep in. I can think of so many more qualified.
I felt so bad this morning that I listened to an online sermon on insecurity by Pastor Steven Furtik. I love that guy. His messages always speak to me. He had an illustration today that was an enormous comfort to me. He was saying how we tend to compare ourselves when we feel insecure. (Ahem....totally guilty on my part.) The flaw with that though is we see all our stuff. All we struggle with. "The behind the scenes stuff." But when we look at others we see their "Highlight Reel." I tell you it was so profound to me. We all have our stuff. We all are in desperate need for God to do His work in and through us for His glory. I also thought it was pretty cool too how personal that makes our God. We each have our own story that really is HIStory.
So what does this all mean. I'm not exactly sure honestly. I don't know when or how, but I'm still dreaming. We will just see where this all goes. Hopefully a Highlight reel.