I feel completely inadequate to write today. How do you describe the feeling of actually seeing a mountain begin to move? The day really is here. It has finally come. Today Baby Girl transfers to the adoption unit. Today we begin part two of the journey for her to become forever ours. It is a day I have hoped for, for so long. A day at times I feared might not come.
Waiting for this day has been one of the hardest labors of my life. There is no epidural for the stretch marks you get on your heart. It has been a difficult process of risking loss and hoping for miracles.
Knowing the whole time that I am not in control and some times deep down wondering if God was either...well let's just say not my shinning moments. I wish I could say that I was rock solid the whole time. I wish I could say I never doubted or struggled. I have learned that my feelings of hopelessness and helplessness along the way told me a lot more about myself then they did about God.
This "Saturday journey" has really shown me the rocky mountains in my heart. Jesus has really shown up at the "tomb places" of my heart and He faithfully continues to breath life into me.
Today reminds me that I am not stuck in "Saturday" that "Sunday" really does dawn. This is a good "stone" to remember because the hardest part about all of this journey has not been trusting His power but accepting and trusting His timing.
"Getting to where God wants me to go has not been nearly as important as becoming who God wants me to be in the process." That quote is a hard one to type out because I sure know I still have a long ways to GrOw.
I really think this all continues to be preparation. We have so many more mountains in the future in life and in our hearts. But today I cling to my HOPE. That He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it. That He has good plans for me, not plans to hurt me. That He will give me hope and a good future.
He has called me to be Baby girls Mommy. WOW!!! What an amazing responsibility and gift. What he has called me to do He will equip and prepare me to do. And here is the best part... I get to testify, I get to witness and tell what the Lord has done. So the journey really is just getting started.
"We will tell about His power and the miracles he has done." Psalm 78:4b