I am not sure about the coherency of this post. So in advance forgive me. I am literally weeping right now. You know how it is when God just floods your dry soul.
I don't think I will ever cease to be amazed at how God is so faithful and how incredible He is. I am so thankful that He shows up.
I guess I will start with yesterday. Big time parenting fail. Which spiraled into just being down in the dumps. You know how Paul said "I do not understand what I do, for what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." Romans 7:15
Well, that perfectly describes my day yesterday. I was tired, drained, impatient, short, mean, jealous, weary... you name it. I'm sorry if some of my emotions are repetitive, I don't intend to annoy or bore you. I just want to be authentic in my struggles and victories on this journey of faith.
All for His glory! All for His glory!
I spent last night in prayer and devotion but still went to bed in a bad spot. I even texted another Mom with a special needs child to lift me up in prayer because there is just something about someone who understands the difficulties standing in the gap for you. Still I was left wanting.
This morning again I went to another online sermon by Steven Furtik. It was on God's favor. It was particularly timely...I just love how God does that.
One of the things I put in my journal last night to God was "why did you choose us for this?" Why FAS? Some hurtful words from a family member came back to haunt me? "That our family was foolish to do this." I began to wonder. Were we?
Then I listened to TRUTH! His word! It really does set you free Dear Ones! We need to feast on it all the time!
Some of the things from the message I am just going to have to share from my notes. Just amazing!
"When you understand God's favor it gives you a new way to see how God see's you. When you understand God's disposition towards you it changes your disposition towards EVERYTHING you face in your life. God gives you a new outlook."
He brought up how when life gets hard we doubt. Then he shared how "God's favor shows up when God is doing something through you that only He can take credit for. It is all for your good and for His glory."
Here was his definition of favor:
The guarantee of His presence and the provision of His power to accomplish His special purpose in and through our lives." "With His favor we have the divine ability to seize opportunity and overcome opposition because JESUS IS FIGHTING FOR US." "God is with me and for me."
"Favor with God is not favors from God"
"Favor isn't fair and you don't want it to be."
"Favor shows the world who God is through your life."
"The devil doesn't stand a chance against a child of God."
Here is where I broke. When the weeping started:
"Having God's favor in your life doesn't mean your life will get easier, it almost certainly means it will get harder, because how will He show His power over your circumstances if He didn't put you in a battle, so He can fight for you and show how strong He is? Favor is NOT for your convenience, but for His purpose to be accomplished in and through your life."
Noah building and Ark when there had never been a drop of rain.
Abraham having to leave everything to obey God
Mary becoming pregnant and having to convince everyone she was pure and it was God's child.
Jesus found favor and it led Him to the cross!!!!
WOW!!!! Talk about being highly favored yet still facing difficulties.
It just brought me such peace. Difficult does not mean I don't have His favor. It doesn't mean I was foolish. Because I wasn't, I was obedient.
"God's heart is towards me and His hand is on me no matter what I am facing in life."
I am asking Him to help me change how I see everything. For my eyes to be opened to His favor in my life. For the strength to walk in obedience. For His purpose to be accomplished." For forgiveness when I doubt and fail. For rest when I need it. To be able to be still and know He is God.
So with that my tears have stopped. My heart is calm and peaceful. I am so thankful His mercies are new every morning.