Friday, January 14, 2011

Overwhelming Peace


Dear Ones:

Yesterday was a hard day. Big Brother went to his new family. He was apprehensive at first but the new parents didn't push him and by the time they left, he went without a fuss. I was really impressed with how they interacted with him.

I cried off and on the whole day. Mostly grieving what I had hoped would have been when we brought him into our home in the first place. Attachment disorder is one of the most difficult situations I have ever had to deal with. It affected every area of our lives. The marriage suffered, my other 6 children suffered. I spent countless sleepless nights in prayer and read many books, watched dvds, talked to others, scanned the internet, all I could think of to make this work.

The decision was agonizing. I have to say though, that I know, that I know, we made the right one. I am just literally overwhelmed with the Lords peace. I woke up this morning for the first time in a long time ready to face my day. I had no idea how heavy the weight was until it was lifted. Part of what made it so heavy was concern for his future, the thought of letting him go at times was almost unbearable.

I really believe God has been in this whole thing though. His last placement was not good and I feel grateful that we could be used to get him to where he went. I pray it is his last placement. I hope he has found his forever family.

On another note, if there is no appeal for baby girl by February 4th then we can FINALLY move to the adoption waiting list. I can almost taste it!!!! February 15th we go for the termination hearing for Big Sister. I am excited because what we have longed for for so long is getting closer. Please hang in there with us.

Living Loved!!!!

4 comments:

  1. I understand your state of being torn about big brother, have been there before! But God knows...and I am sure you will keep a relationship between him and the girls! As for the exciting news about the girls and upcoming dates...Praise the Lord! How exciting!

    I find it interesting you have John Waller's "While I'm Waiting" as your blog song right now...it seems that every time I (we) are being faced with a difficult decision it seems that song is EVERYWHERE! When the twins left us in June I heard it somewhere at least once an hour! My kids would sing it or it would come up on the radio or Ipod! A very good song for times like these! You are in our thoughts and prayers - for both the ups and downs right now!

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  2. Michelle, you are amazing! This decision was right for your family.

    Our girls have tested any bit of strength we thought we had, and I think now they know we're here to stay (finally).

    There isn't a book, dvd, experienced person that can prepare you for the turmoil that attachment disorders can cause.

    You did what was best, and I am so happy you are at peace!

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  3. I know that you're in the palm of His hand. He is faithful. I'm glad your eyes were opened to any issues before it was too late. I truly believe that if He has called you to it...He'll carry you through it. Praying for Big Brother and your family. HE IS FAITHFUL!!!!! XOXOXXOXO
    So gald to hear you're a step closer to making them a forever part of your family. :)

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  4. Very thankful for all your encouraging comments. Thanks for taking the time :)

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"As for me and my family, we will serve the Lord."

Joshua 24:15

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