I just need to tell you what Love can do. Let me start with I know I haven't been writing much about our foster/adopt situation because I really do not want to be a broken record that everyone gets sick of hearing.
It is still very much a raw emotional experience. Monday's especially. Mondays are when we have visitation. Baby Girl usually cries while we are there and then I cry on the way home. It is just so uncertain. So much heart is invested. So much risk. So much hope, and so much trust and so much exhaustion.
I tell you if these girls leave it will feel like a death. Our hearts will surely grieve big time. I really am believing God through this all though. Either way I know will be a powerful miracle. But honestly I struggle. I know he will heal our broken hearts if we are not to be their forever family. I just don't want to have to walk that path. Sometimes I feel so broken just thinking about the possibility. Today was one of those days. The tears just could not be held back. Frustration, bewilderment, questions, anger...you name it... it reached a breaking point today.
I just wanted to say I don't understand Lord and I am tired and this is too much!
You know one of those times when you just feel ugly and weak. This is what the Lord came back at me with:
First a gift from my BBFF. It is a mini photo album packed with scripture and truth. She brought this out to me today when we returned from visitation to pick our boys up at her house. I just wept as I read through the pages. As I felt God wrap His arms around me through the work of her hands. Such perfect God timing wouldn't you say?
Then tonight as I sat emotional and crying again my sweet little guys Canaan and Zion brought Mommy some love. Canaan had a late Mother's Day Poem that he had so artistically decorated with his art and glitter glue. He is so precious and so was this gift.
Soon after my Zion came in and handed me a note that just blew me away. I was like this kid is in third grade for Pete's sake and he so lovingly spoke truth to me in his note. I seriously want to frame this to remember always. I hope you can read the words. They are POWERFUL!
And there you have it. Love changed everything. It brought me safety, hope, strength and encouragement. It spurred me on when I felt at the end of my rope. God is good, all the time!