Wednesday, November 11, 2009

My Heart Just Sank...

Dear Ones:

I really really need you to pray for me right now. I just found out from our case worker that visitation is changing. You see we go every week and Baby girl literally screams her head off the entire hour. The case workers seem to think the problem is the complete and utter chaos in the room from all the other siblings so they have decided to change visitation for 2 hours so baby can visit alone with Mom for the first hour and then Big sister can visit with all the other siblings and Mom for the second hour and maintain a bond with everyone.

Needless to say I am not at all in a good space right now. I can't stop crying. I HATE this process!!!!!!!! I HATE the enormous risk we are taking!!!!!!! I am in so deep now though, I completely love these girls and I am really afraid I may have to trust God for an outcome I can hardly bare the thought of. If one more person tells me "well if they do leave at least you loved them and gave them a good start." I think I will lose it!

Visitation is literally the worst part of my week. Now for it to be 2 hours means I have to spend the first hour wrestling with Big Sister which is no easy task to say the least. She has made progress but still is extremely challenging.

Please pray...



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