Let's just say my afternoon was a hard one. I intended to come on here and post all my gripes about Friday afternoons. Fridays is visitation day. It feels like "they are not really yours, in my face day."
Today baby girl literally screamed through the whole visit and there was nothing I could do about it. Everyone was amazed that when the visit was over and she was brought out to me how she INSTANTLY stopped crying. Then I was told that both sets of grandparents are filing for custody. It feels like the odds are just so stacked against us. I once again left so upset.
The last thing I wanted to do, was then go to our school fundraising banquet, as soon as I got back from visitation. Don't get me wrong I adore our school, but I was consumed with self again. Boy was I so glad I did not miss it. I was humbled and amazed and so thankful all in one. A family from our school who have 10 children and lost 6 of them in a tragic accident ministered to everyone as they shared from their precious hearts. This was not my first encounter with their testimony. If interested please read my previous post:
It was all I could do to compose myself as I sat and listened to their story. It began with their son who sang a song he wrote that was incredibly moving to say the least. I do not even feel like this blog post can give the experience justice. It was just so obvious that Christ was first and they were completely in His hands. The Dad spoke how after the tragedy he had a choice to go one of two ways and one was the pit of despair, but the other was his choice. The Mom spoke of reaching your children's heads, praying for things to sink down to their hearts and then move out through their hands. They spoke of their brokenness and struggle. How the Lord used people to come along side of them and get them through. It was simply amazing and beautiful.
It made me think of people in our own lives who have surrounded us with love and support on our journey. Those who have been those hands of God in our lives. Some of them sitting right next to us at the same table. Oh how I love them so and am so thankful. Beautiful, wonderful God STOPS.
The main thing though, that I come away from tonight with, is something the Dad said. Something you hear and know but sometimes resist, fight or question. It was:
GOD IS IN CONTROL!
Somehow I felt foolish that once again I wanted to be. At the same time I felt peace and comfort. My Heavenly Father is in control no matter what happens. I was reminded that He loves "my girls" more than I do. I am still praying and believing that my God can do all things. Which means it is possible the girls will be forever ours someday. Or He will heal our broken hearts someday. May He do what He wants and not what I want. It is safe, even though it may not be easy. He is in control. His answer is the greater YES whatever it may be.
I love you sweet Jesus. Thank you for your love and faithfulness and your precious gifts.
Please keep our family in your prayers dear ones and thank you for being His hands.