Thursday, July 9, 2009

2 Years and Counting

Dear Ones:

I am just a ball of emotion today. I am sure it doesn't help that it is "that time of the month." I apologize if I have any male readers but it is what it is. Today marks 2 years since we started on our journey to find our daughter. I really thought having a placement would help things to feel closer. I just feel like the emotional ante has gone up. Now I have something very precious that I could possibly lose. Something that my state is working towards returning to her biological family. I know people probably get sick of reading about my stress. I get sick of it for Pete's sake, but this blog is an outlet for me and there have been some treasures the Lord has brought my way from it. I have connected to people I have never met that UNDERSTAND! I need that compassion. I NEED those prayers!

I never would have thought 2 years ago I would be where I am. I never wanted to be a foster parent. I want to be an adoptive parent. I want to introduce the world to MY FOREVER DAUGHTER. Trying to hold on to someone with an open hand is sooooooo incredibly difficult. How do you not give your entire heart to a precious child? It is such great risk. I honestly do not understand my adoption story one single bit. I am jealous of those who have had a different story. I am ashamed that I am so selfish.

When we finally got the call about a placement I told the Lord, "I do not know if I have learned my trust lesson yet." Well I see now that it is far from over. 

To our faithful supporters, I do not have the words to describe your value. Thank you for standing with us ( esp. during the not fun times), crying with us, praying without ceasing for us, celebrating with us, & hoping with us. One day I sincerely hope that this blog will be full of pictures and memories I am longing to share of our complete family.

I am sorry our hearts are so fragile. I am sorry our need for support has been so long and great. I ask that you stay the course with us. I honestly don't know if we lose this precious girl if we will be able to go on. So please pray for strength. I don't want to fail. I hope next year will be a different story and different emotions... I hope to see and hear from you then.

Love and thanks!
Cinco de Mama
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