I really feel like I am getting there. To the place of surrender. God is working in me. I am inching away from conditional trust to unconditional trust. Eventually I will trust my father PERIOD! I will trust Him no matter what. That does not mean I will not have emotion or questions but it does means this:
(both quotes by Beth Moore)
" Our only steadfast defenses against life's CERTAIN UNCERTAINTY is UNCONDITIONAL TRUST in a SAVIOR who loves us more than His own life."
"As hard as trusting can be, living with constant fear is harder." AMEN!
Boy don't I know that. This has been a hard year and mostly due to conditional trust and constant fear. I have been so afraid that we may not have heard what we thought we had heard. I have been so afraid that Mercy would never be more than just a dream and that we would just end up looking like fools.
(more quotes from Beth)
"Our distrust of God tattles on us, telling our enemy exactly how to get to us." "Our natural human defense is to grovel before God and to plead with Him not to let our fears happen. Our conditional trust not only makes us a target for enemy torment; it also positions us as negotiators and beggars before God instead of secure children who trust their lives to their faithful Father. Those times when our fears become reality we feel devastated. We think God is unfaithful..."
Ouch! It has been painful to see this unconditional trust in my life. The enemy has had a hay day with me. I have begged and pleaded with God. I am though, starting to grasp that all I can really do is surrender. All I can do is trust that if my fears happen then:
If we did not hear from God about adoption then He will remove this desire from our hearts. I must say though that the desire has only intensified in all of us and as long as it is there we will press on.
If Mercy never comes home then God will heal our broken hearts.
If we look like fools, I hope we look like fools for Christ.
I really am embarking on as Beth says "the most critical breakthrough of faith I could ever experience. To let God bring me to a place where I trust him--- PERIOD! I am starting to taste victory! Honestly, as I type this fear tries to creep in. I think things like be careful what you tell people. Who knows what is around the corner? What test you might face? But just as much, I am also starting to feel like I have put down some heavy weights that I have carried for some time now. I am starting to see some courage, and I can assure you it is all God.
Please pause the playlist at the bottom and worship the father with me with this video. Prayers are being answered!