Monday, November 30, 2009

The Latest...

Dear Ones:

Well last week we took baby girl hungry. Nothing changed. She still screamed and did not want to be fed by birth mom. Now we have to take baby girl to an attachment therapist with birth mom to see if the therapist can help them to bond. The visits are also staying at 2 hours. I really feel like I am in the trenches and it is incredibly difficult. I sometimes wish that adoption never came into my heart. I also sometimes feel that I have to be completely crushed for God to be glorified. Feeling very low right now.

13 comments:

  1. I am so sorry Michelle. My foster/adoption was hard but not as hard as yours is turning out to be. Do you talk to your caseworker reg. and find out if mom is completing everything she must?? I think every caseworker I had was on speed dial..lol I would ask the caseworker...when the baby refuses to bond with bio mom what is the next step to this bonding process? I take it grandma has not passed? For me, it helped to talk to the caseworkers and know what was around the corner. Somehow it prepared me and even if it wasn't making me happy I knew.
    Do you think your caseworker is doing well? I cant remember what it is called but our girls were given THEIR caseworker that wasn't concerned with the parents or even us....they were ALL about what was good for the girls which moved them in our direction :) Do you have one of those?

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  2. Grandma is still under investigation waiting for prints to come back and then there will be a homestudy. We just found that out last Friday too. Yes we do have a casa worker and he is a very kind man so far very impressed. I do believe the case worker is doing a good job. She told birth mom to think about what was best for the baby but it did not seem to affect her. So far Mom is not doing her substance abuse stuff but I think working on other things like classes. Not sure about getting a job yet. Last Friday was also the first time grandma had met baby girl and baby girl was not happy with her either.

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  3. I can tell you if grandma does get them baby girl will probably make it SO miserable on her she will get stressed and not want to keep it up!! Which I know even losing them for a few days would be torture so I will pray that wont happen!
    I remember when my girls bio mom went all the classes but didn't take responsiblity. One of her actual teachers CALLED ME and chatted with me about the extreme things she would say (like she HAD to bite the girls to get them to listen!!!!!) SO, even if she goes to everything they are checking her out to see if she "gets it".

    Your daughter is with you ALL the time and VERY, VERY attached to you....Attachment therapy is not going to work. She is yours and attached to her real mom!!!

    I know it has to be CRAZY hard, we didn't have to do attachment therapy and I struggled with the other visits when I did go. Once at McDonalds the bio mom was supposed to be in charge. I just HAD to sit with the caseworker and watch ....My older daughter was 2 at the time and she let her go up in the Tubes and such in the playground. Little Julia was only maybe a yr and behind in her gross motor skills to boot. She allowed her to climb up and then when Julia got scared and started crying she coudn't get to her!!!!!! I was just beside myself that MY daughter was crying and scared and I HAD to sit and watch the insanity!!! In the end this was written in the report and went against her which was a blessing!!
    Im praying for you and now that this is going on I will pray every single day that God will give you peace and make it obvious to the workers these kids are where they need to stay!!!!
    If you are able go to every court hearing. We even wrote a letter to the judge and let him know our heart and how well the girls were doing.

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  4. Michelle,
    Two things come to mind...

    First, what a blessing (even though it doesn't feel like it) to be able to relate to what Christ went through for us. Isaiah 53:9-11 (The Message)9 They buried him with the wicked, threw him in a grave with a rich man, Even though he'd never hurt a soul or said one word that wasn't true. 10 Still, it's what God had in mind all along, to CRUSH him with pain. The plan was that he give himself as an offering for sin so that he'd see life come from it - life, life, and more life. And God's plan will deeply prosper through him. 11 Out of that terrible travail of soul, he'll see that it's worth it and be glad he did it. Through what he experienced, my righteous one, my servant, will make many "righteous ones," as he himself carries the burden of their sins.

    Second, as difficult and painful as this process is, God did the same and more for us. He sent His only son so that we could be adopted into His family. Galatians 4:4-6 (New Living Translation)4 But when the right time came, God sent his Son, born of a woman, subject to the law. 5 God sent him to buy freedom for us who were slaves to the law, so that he could adopt us as his very own children. 6 And because you Gentiles have become his children, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into your hearts, and now you can call God your dear Father.

    I hope you don't think I am trying to preach at you. I honestly struggle just as much with our own adoption process and waiting. It's not fun, but I trust that God knows best and loves us all enough to work out His plan in His time.

    I am praying for you.

    Blessings,
    C.C.
    http://his-heart.blogspot.com/

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  5. Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart..lean NOT on your own understanding...in ALL your ways acknowledge HIM!!! Serve these babies {and their mom} as is it were GOd himself loving them...Leave the rest to HIM!!!
    I KNOW it's hard. I'm REALLY struggling right now too but this is the road you were called to walk...keep your eyes on HIM :)

    Remember...David killed Goliath with just one TINY stone. God has a plan....

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  6. I so understand the feeling of wishing you had never been given a heart for adoption. But the Lord has great plans for you and I trust that adoption is a part of it, no matter how hard. Praying God comforts you in a mighty way today.

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  7. I am praying for you and I do know just how hard this can be...I also know that God's power is bigger than this very broken foster care system and I am praying for him to move mountains in your adoption story. Rest in his perfect peace today~

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  8. I'm so sorry. This is tearing you up inside. I pray for a resolution for you and the girls to come soon.

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  9. I understand the feeling of wishing God would take the caling off of our life.

    When we "lost" our first Guatemalan daughter, I was in a fetal position in my bed saying " NO MORE. DONE" Only my husband was strong enough to say "We are not going out like this Andrea." and HE called the agency and accepted the next referral which was our Aven.
    All this to say that YOU don't have to be the strong one...let us around you be strong for you...
    All the Blessings....Andrea y familia

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  10. I wish I was there to hug you. I hope to God the girls stay with you. It sounds like they are pushing very hard for RU with birth mom, but I do believe Grandma is your biggest "threat" unfortunately. This attachment therapy is BS. My baby screamed bloody hell every time she would see Bdad or any family, the judge did not care. Now she comes to us and SCREAMS when she gets picked up to go back and she lives with them half the time! However, I do know that she is getting used to them and attaching in her own time, thank God. I am happy for that, I do not want her to be miserable, since i have no choice but to share custody.
    It is horrible, it really is, I feel your pain so completely, BUT you have to hang on, you just don't know what twists and turns foster/adopt has.
    I will pray for you, but mostly for the girls. You are their best interest. If the G'ma does get them, I hope she shows up for regular visits for their sake.
    Ugh.

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  11. Praying for you during this time. I can't even imagine the emotions you endure.

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  12. CC I just have to thank you for sharing truth with me. I have printed your comment off so I can read it over and over again. Not sure if you will ever see my reply but thank you for sharing and understanding and praying.

    I am so very thankful for all you ladies. Just having those who have "been there" somehow it is a comfort to know you are not alone and your prayers and compassion really lift me up. Thank you ALL.

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  13. I am so upset about all that you have been through! I adopted a child, but it was international, so I really can't relate to any of your heartache. I just wanted to tell you that I am so sorry, this sounds like a horror movie. I don't know what can be done to change this horrible system. Blessings to you -

    Peggy

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"As for me and my family, we will serve the Lord."

Joshua 24:15

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