Thursday, July 9, 2009

2 Years and Counting


Dear Ones:

I am just a ball of emotion today. I am sure it doesn't help that it is "that time of the month." I apologize if I have any male readers but it is what it is. Today marks 2 years since we started on our journey to find our daughter. I really thought having a placement would help things to feel closer. I just feel like the emotional ante has gone up. Now I have something very precious that I could possibly lose. Something that my state is working towards returning to her biological family. I know people probably get sick of reading about my stress. I get sick of it for Pete's sake, but this blog is an outlet for me and there have been some treasures the Lord has brought my way from it. I have connected to people I have never met that UNDERSTAND! I need that compassion. I NEED those prayers!

I never would have thought 2 years ago I would be where I am. I never wanted to be a foster parent. I want to be an adoptive parent. I want to introduce the world to MY FOREVER DAUGHTER. Trying to hold on to someone with an open hand is sooooooo incredibly difficult. How do you not give your entire heart to a precious child? It is such great risk. I honestly do not understand my adoption story one single bit. I am jealous of those who have had a different story. I am ashamed that I am so selfish.

When we finally got the call about a placement I told the Lord, "I do not know if I have learned my trust lesson yet." Well I see now that it is far from over. 

To our faithful supporters, I do not have the words to describe your value. Thank you for standing with us ( esp. during the not fun times), crying with us, praying without ceasing for us, celebrating with us, & hoping with us. One day I sincerely hope that this blog will be full of pictures and memories I am longing to share of our complete family.

I am sorry our hearts are so fragile. I am sorry our need for support has been so long and great. I ask that you stay the course with us. I honestly don't know if we lose this precious girl if we will be able to go on. So please pray for strength. I don't want to fail. I hope next year will be a different story and different emotions... I hope to see and hear from you then.

Love and thanks!
Cinco de Mama

15 comments:

  1. Love hurts...crushed grapes and poured out wine for Our Savior and for His purposes in this world. A dear person in my life just shared the heartache of putting your children on the altar for the Lord. Isaac on the altar. Can we really do that? Does that mean we truly love our children or not? You have a child...waiting. This little girl is your Isaac in a way. We don't know what God's purposes are, but He chose you all to go through this because He knows the heart that you have and the capacity to truly LOVE! Remember the Father gave up his Only Son so we could have eternal life...step into My suffering. Life in Christ is Abundant Life...the good and the difficult. That's when we have to fall into His arms...and that is the difficult part. the Falling. = ) I love you dear friend. Cheryl

    ReplyDelete
  2. I can't even imagine. I am not that strong, but please know the I AM praying for you!

    ReplyDelete
  3. It's hard to be following a path you couldn't have dreamed of. We were so sure we would adopt from Haiti, but God had other plans. I try to remember His plans are better than our own. Love you sweet friend. I'm praying for you today (and always).

    ReplyDelete
  4. Don't ever feel bad sharing your heart with us! Of course you are hurting. We're praying for you!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I have found when I am struggling the most I draw nearest to God. He is with you and knows the desires of your heart. I am sorry this journey is such a hard one.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Still praying for you.. I hope everything goes exactly the way you want it to.

    ReplyDelete
  7. You don't have to apologize for being human. I appreciate your honesty, and yes, you are in the midst of an emotionally charged and uncertain journey. But God knows your heart and has promised to work all things for GOOD, even better than you could ever imagine!! That's powerful!!

    But I do understand the challenges involved with adoption delays and setbacks, especially when hearing about other seemingly effortless journeys. On the one hand you're happy for the families and their adopted baby or child, but on the other hand, you feel like a jerk for wishing so badly that it could be you instead. It's a very difficult place to be. I hope you find comfort in knowing that your feelings are normal and expected.

    How I pray that the desires of your heart are fulfilled in every way possible!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. YOU ARE AN AMAZING PERSON. YOU HAVE STRENGTH THAT YOU DID NOT KNOW YOU EVEN HAD. ONLY GOD CAN GIVE YOU THAT KIND OF STRENGTH. YOU "MERCY" IS CLOSER THAN YOU THINK. SENDING LOTS A LOVE YOUR WAY.

    ReplyDelete
  9. There may be some twist and turns in the road to adoption but I believe this little girl is yours to claim. In the drama leading up to the adoption with our girls I remember one "twist" with our girls was standing in court and due to the current caseworker NOT doing their job properly it was deemed that the girls should go back to their chaotic, drugged out mom in 1 week. ONE WEEK!!!! Well, I cried so hard on that 20 min. drive home that I could barely see the road. I have no idea how I didn't crash other than God was guiding me. When I got home Clay and I called out to God and not only was the Caseworker removed from the case, the girls NEVER went back for even an hour and things changed dramatically in our favor!!!!! So, in with a horrible twist that lasted for TOO LONG.....we had victory and God was there. I believe this little, precious baby girl is yours to claim and dont look back in years down the road and be sad that you were not "peaceful" in your time with her when she was a baby.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thanks for all the comments ladies. You are exactly right Bethany. Exactly...thanks for understanding guys. Thanks for praying.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I totally understand what you are going through right now. Love always costs us something. This is a road that is full of conflicting emotions. God understands. He must think you are capable in Him since He called you to foster. I am praying for you, friend.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I SO understand what you're going through. Last week we had 2 little boys (brothers) placed with us through foster care. Having them here is a dream come true but now there is family members stepping up saying they want them. How could I go through this only to lose them??? Loss...AGAIN!! My 4 girls have been the BEST big sisters and I know that I will only feel complete when my sons are MINE. This journey has been like NOTHING I've EVER experienced. You're in my prayers. I will pray for peace for your waiting heart. God's wil be done in your family and in the life of your precious baby girl. Be blessed! ~Cynthia

    ReplyDelete
  13. Don't ever feel that you shouldn't use your blog to pour out your heart. We are in the same boat and hearing each other's joy and tears helps us get through the journey together. Know that you are not alone and that God has called us to foster even though none of us really "planned" to do it. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

    ReplyDelete

"As for me and my family, we will serve the Lord."

Joshua 24:15

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...