It is just a lazy Sunday afternoon here at our house. It leaves me lots of time to ponder. I am thinking about a lot of things from today. One thing in particular was a phrase mentioned at church today.
Jesus With Skin On
How necessary this can be in our lives. I know some of my most precious memories are when I can remember someone being Jesus with Skin on to me. Those who listen, care and do not offer unsolicited advice or judge. Those who no matter how bad it gets, or you can get, still stand with you. My Pastor is always this way. He is one of the best examples of Jesus with Skin on that I can think of. I have friends like this. Faithful precious friends, that even when I think I can't possibly tell them how I am really feeling AGAIN, because they might cringe with weariness, still somehow they remain. My precious boys and my beloved husband can be compared to no one. They see me at my worst and somehow are faithful and true. I am so thankful to have these experiences. They help me glimpse my Father's love for me.
I so want to get this...you know. My Father's Love FOR ME! I wrestle. I can not tell you how many times since we have started this adoption that I have felt punished. Like Eric and I just didn't hear right, or we are financial idiots, or we have messed up with our own kids too much or etc. etc. I have seen people bring their children home and I wonder why that is not my story. What have I done so wrong? This is a daily battle. Some days I am so stripped bare that all I can say is not my will but yours be done. Those are the good days. Others I am not so compliant and I just want to understand.
I am embarrassed even as I write this, that faith can be such a struggle at times. I hate that! I wish it came easy! I wish I was one of those who when I can't see or hear a thing just KNEW! I want to know MY JESUS with skin on in my HEART! Please heavenly Father reveal your true character to me. To my heart. My mind knows what it should know, but I want my heart to know You and your love for me like never before! And Father help me to be Jesus with skin on to those around me...