I feel completely inundated with God lately. This I assure you is a good thing, even when it has been painful. I almost feel like Beth Moore wrote this latest study just for me. It is uncanny how it seems to custom fit my life right now. I watched todays DVD twice and ended both times in tears.
The topic today was about time. This has been one of the biggest struggles I have dealt with on our adoption path. When we started this journey almost two years ago I had no idea it would have even come close to taking this long. Couple the wait with my conditional trust and well lets just say not my finer moments.
Beth talked today about how our culture trains us not to wait. One of her points that hit me between the eyes was "It's tough being a woman who can balance passion with patience." She said when she is passionate about something and does not see God moving then she can volunteer for the job. I felt like she was reading my mail. Memories of the past two years came flooding in. How many times I felt like God wasn't moving and I volunteered. I don't know why I didn't trust Him. I don't know why I could not stand the wait. Then Beth laid it all out in front of me. She asked the question, "What is more exhausting than waiting?" I can attest to the fact that the more I waited the weaker I felt. She made it all make sense today with this verse:
"But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint."
We get exhausted because we are waiting on the thing, the event, or a person. And when it doesn't come our strength is depleted. Does anyone see the GIANT arrow pointing at me? There it was. I need to wait upon the Lord not the thing. I tell you my spiritual and emotional
life has just been in an upheaval the past few weeks. It has been hard but freeing. I needed this upheaval. My family needed this upheaval because I am sure I will be better for it.
Some encouraging notes from the study that I am clinging to are as follows:
"If ever He has called us to wait on Him something is up. Never in our wait is God inactive, something is happening in the heavenlys. So it brings me to my favorite point of the lesson today.
"In the meantime is God time"
So I am still surrendering. I am placing my trust in Him PERIOD! And I am no longer just waiting. I am waiting on the Lord.
Are you like me excited to see what is up? If nothing more I sure have needed to get to where I am headed. Refusing to obey my fear. Giving God His job back. I have a destiny to fulfill. Lord Jesus thank you for being with me and help me to balance my passions with patience and WAIT for YOU!
"It may seem like a long time, but be patient and wait for it, because it will surely come; it will not be delayed." Habakkuk 2:3