Thursday, April 2, 2009

I Surrender (All To You)- I'm Getting There

Dear Ones:

I really feel like I am getting there. To the place of surrender. God is working in me. I am inching away from conditional trust to unconditional trust. Eventually I will trust my father PERIOD!  I will trust Him no matter what. That does not mean I will not have emotion or questions but it does means this:

(both quotes by Beth Moore)

" Our only steadfast defenses against life's CERTAIN UNCERTAINTY is UNCONDITIONAL TRUST in a SAVIOR who loves us more than His own life." 

"As hard as trusting can be, living with constant fear is harder."  AMEN!

Boy don't I know that. This has been a hard year and mostly due to conditional trust and constant fear. I have been so afraid that we may not have heard what we thought we had heard. I have been so afraid that Mercy would never be more than just a dream and that we would just end up looking like fools.

(more quotes from Beth)

"Our distrust of God tattles on us, telling our enemy exactly how to get to us." "Our natural human defense is to grovel before God and to plead with Him not to let our fears happen. Our conditional trust not only makes us a target for enemy torment; it also positions us as negotiators and beggars before God instead of secure children who trust their lives to their faithful Father. Those times when our fears become reality we feel devastated. We think God is unfaithful..."

Ouch! It has been painful to see this unconditional trust in my life. The enemy has had a hay day with me. I have begged and pleaded with God. I am though, starting to grasp that all I can really do is surrender. All I can do is trust that if my fears happen then:

If we did not hear from God about adoption then He will remove this desire from our hearts. I must say though that the desire has only intensified in all of us and as long as it is there we will press on.

If Mercy never comes home then God will heal our broken hearts.

If we look like fools, I hope we look like fools for Christ.

I really am embarking on as Beth says "the most critical breakthrough of faith I could ever experience. To let God bring me to a place where I trust him--- PERIOD! I am starting to taste victory! Honestly, as I type this fear tries to creep in. I think things like be careful what you tell people. Who knows what is around the corner? What test you might face? But just as much, I am also starting to feel like I have put down some heavy weights that I have carried for some time now. I am starting to see some courage, and I can assure you it is all God.

                   Please pause the playlist at the bottom and worship the father with me with this video. Prayers are being answered!


7 comments:

  1. Oh, Michelle. I needed to read those quotes from Beth. Is that from her new study? I'm really in a discouraged place right now. Thanks for reminding me I only need to surrender.

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  2. Yes Emily it is from her new study. I'll be praying for you friend. Lets get together sometime.

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  3. Great post and how true each word is. It is such a stuggle for me too and I am often having to stop and drop to my knees asking him once again to help me in my faith. I remember during my first adoption having such fear that it would never happen and how David and I would just look like fools on some crazy quest. I am trying now to measure my success not in results but in my obedience to Christ in whatever he asks me to do. To the world I have lost my mind but as long as I am doing what my father has asked me to do than I have been "successful" in the journey.

    Blessings,
    Kathleen

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  4. Yup! Been there wrote that blog many times. I hear you loud and clear. I believe that God gives us the desire and begins to "prepare the soil" so that the seeds of desire he planted will be frutiful. This is a time of fertilizing and pruning for you. It will happen for you. He doesn't waste the desires He gives us. It just doesn't always happen when we think it will. If we had adopted when I wanted to, it would have been disastrous. When I reached the point where I thought I would burst, we began praying for the little one that would join us. It gave me a way to focus my hopes and helped me to put my hopes into the action of believing. Little did I know that the day we began praying was the day that our future son was born. 9 months later, it was time and he was handed over to us. The time of waiting, our desires intensified too. Another confirmation that God gives us to confirm our steps.
    Your Mercy is coming, sister.
    Amy

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  5. Been there too... and I know how hard the waiting can be. But I have faith that one day soon your Mercy's precious face will be all over your blog. Until then, I am lifting you up. Amy

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  6. God is working mightly in you and through you and he will be faithful to complete it! Keep looking up and clinging to Him! Can't wait to hear "the rest of the story..." and to see Mercy bestowed on and in your family!!

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  7. I am so thankful that God continues to refine us and bring us to our knees in sweet surrender. Mercy is coming! Love you friend.

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"As for me and my family, we will serve the Lord."

Joshua 24:15

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