Today I have been totally overcome. I can hardly stop my eyes from leaking. I will try my best to make sense of all that is just wanting to bust out of me right now. Every Monday morning at my house I have a bible study. We are doing Beth Moores study "Esther, It's Tough Being A Woman."
This morning was just so much that I feel so inadequate to even depict the effect it has had on me. I guess I will start with something Beth mentioned. A theme. Do you ever feel like God has a theme in your life? Well, if I were to say one for myself it would be a two fold theme right now.
- First, I would say that the Lord wants me to know He is good. I want me to know He is good.
- Second, I would say God is saying Do not be afraid."
"We say God is good if he does what I say."
You know how we want our circumstances to be. Self preservation. This is conditional faith. Conditional trust. Oh I am the worst offender in this situation. You know when things don't go right and you think to yourself. God how can you be good when you have allowed this or that to happen or not happen." Those times when God absolutely makes no sense to my little brain. I want to know God is good period! Not if this does or does not happen. God is good period!
The second part of the theme in my life right now totally ties in to the first one. Beth said this morning that the most frequent command in the bible is DO NOT BE AFRAID. Brave determination. Man do I have a battle with fear. I am afraid of what God will allow in my life. Beth also mentioned a song by Casting Crowns Called "East to West." One of the lines in the song says this; "Today I feel like I am one mistake away of you leaving me this way." That line hit me hard. So often I feel that way. Like i'll be stuck like this. Stuck with my conditional faith and trust. Always afraid. How do I make the choice to overcome myself? So I can say in truth with courage:
And if___________ happens, then GOD
Meaning no matter what happens, even my worst fears, then God will take care of me. God will be faithful to me.
Oh precious Lord Jesus I so want to get this once and for all. I want to TAKE COURAGE! I want to be brave and know you are with me in fearful situations. I want to refuse to obey my fears even though I am afraid even as I type this.
"Where God's love is there is no fear, because God's perfect love drives out fear."
1 John 4:18
Love me father and drive it out.
"God began doing a good work in you, and I am sure He will continue it until it is finished when Jesus Christ comes again."
This is my hope.