Monday, March 30, 2009


Dear Ones:

Today I have been totally overcome. I can hardly stop my eyes from leaking. I will try my best to make sense of all that is just wanting to bust out of me right now. Every Monday morning at my house I have a bible study. We are doing Beth Moores study "Esther, It's Tough Being A Woman."

This morning was just so much that I feel so inadequate to even depict the effect it has had on me. I guess I will start with something Beth mentioned. A theme. Do you ever feel like God has a theme in your life? Well, if I were to say one for myself it would be a two fold theme right now.

  1. First, I would say that the Lord wants me to know He is good. I want me to know He is good.
  2. Second, I would say God is saying Do not be afraid."
Beth said something this morning that is at the crux of my struggle with number one. It was as follows:

 "We say God is good if he does what I say." 

You know how we want our circumstances to be. Self preservation. This is conditional faith. Conditional trust. Oh I am the worst offender in this situation. You know when things don't go right and you think to yourself. God how can you be good when you have allowed this or that to happen or not happen." Those times when God absolutely makes no sense to my little brain. I want to know God is good period! Not if this does or does not happen. God is good period!

The second part of the theme in my life right now totally ties in to the first one. Beth said this morning that the most frequent command in the bible is DO NOT BE AFRAID. Brave determination. Man do I have a battle with fear. I am afraid of what God will allow in my life.  Beth also mentioned a song by Casting Crowns Called "East to West." One of the lines in the song says this; "Today I feel like I am one mistake away of you leaving me this way." That line hit me hard. So often I feel that way. Like i'll be stuck like this. Stuck with my conditional faith and trust. Always afraid. How do I make the choice to overcome myself? So I can say in truth with courage:

And if___________ happens, then GOD

Meaning no matter what happens, even my worst fears, then God will take care of me. God will be faithful to me.

Oh precious Lord Jesus I so want to get this once and  for all. I want to TAKE COURAGE! I want to be brave and know you are with me in fearful situations. I want to refuse to obey my fears even though I am afraid even as I type this.

"Where God's love is there is no fear, because God's perfect love drives out fear."
1 John 4:18

Love me father and drive it out.

"God began doing a good work in you, and I am sure He will continue it until it is finished when Jesus Christ comes again."
Phil 1:6

This is my hope.



  1. I'm so glad this Bible study has been so meaningful for you. I wish I could come to Bible study with you! Love you sweet Michelle.

  2. I thought of you when we were watching a movie this weekend called 'Facing Giants" Its a christian movie that melted my heart and of course made me cry all thru
    MANY things touched me but this lady wanted to have a baby (you want mercy) but she and her baby could not have one. Years went by and she took test after test, struggle after struggle HOWEVER she would say, "I will LOVE you NO MATTER WHAT Lord Jesus...even if I dont have a baby, I will LOVE you Lord Jesus"....In the end, she did have the desire of her heart. She was faithful to God no matter what. I see your faithful ness and so does God most importantly!!!
    I also struggle with fear. Im a WORRIER and I HATE it!!!!!
    I know it pleases satan and I want to do NOTHING to please satan!!
    Everyday I pray for complete peace that only comes for You.

  3. That DVD was SO good. We watched it last week. I'm positive we all struggle with fear to some degree. I think fear of the unknown is one of the hardest. I guess one thing that helps me is to ask myself... "Who really wants to serve a God who isn't good?" So either we believe he is good or we believe he isn't. I hope that daily I believe he is good and you do too! Have a great day!

  4. Michelle,
    You already "get it". Now you just have to live it :-) I am loving watching your journey unfold. You are following God, and He is leading you to where He wants you to be. You are not near as afraid as you think you are. So many would not have even said yes to adoption at all. Fewer still would have gone through a country closure and persevered. Only you have stopped to listen, and have heard God whispering to you to keep walking, and wait for Me to tell you what to do. You have reservoirs of strength and courage continuously filled by the Father that are yet untapped. You are strong, and He goes before you always!!
    Peace be with you,

  5. I was reading a Beth Moore study today too and she asked the questions, "do you base your faith on what God does or who He is?" That is a big question for me because when I can see God moving and things happen that please me I feel God is good. However, when things do not change or God is silent in my life, still believing that he is good takes more faith and trust. She then goes on to say that "genuine faith, which is based on who God is, walks steadfastly with God for the pleasure of His company, not for His results. God does not call upon us to seek His works, but seek His heart!" That hit me hard this morning and I am beginning to see that no matter what happens in my life he is still good and his love for me will never fail. "Facing the Giants" as Traci commented, is a perfect example of loving christ no matter what our situations are in life. He will always be God and always be good. I am praying for you!

  6. Dear sweet wonderful ladies,

    Once again I love these comments. So well thought out and encouraging. My love language is words of encouragement so I must say I felt very loved today. Kathleen I had to take notes on yours. You are all so valuable to me.

  7. The feeling is mutual and I am so proud that you are taking these steps to really know your Savior's character. He has me doing the same thing right now in my life and it has been soooo hard to change my HARD mindset and ideas of who he is. It will change your relationship with Him and your walk so keep it up! (Beth Moore Bible studies always do this to me)



  8. i agree! i loved this blog! really michelle. we moved to murphy and i'm watching god strip down everything that i have and everything that i am. and today i am overcome as well. i know that he's brought us to this place, but it's not like I thought it was going to be. like you were sayig in your blog today.....we think he's good when he does what i say. i love you michelle for being transparent and i stand with you as he strips you down to build you back up.....and he does the same with me!! i love you

  9. Precious Chris...Oh you know how I love you. How I miss you. The Lord could not have given me a more precious brother. Thank you for standing with me and allowing me to stand with you. I love you and Suzie so very very much! He loves you MORE!


"As for me and my family, we will serve the Lord."

Joshua 24:15

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