Thursday, October 2, 2008

Pride and Fear



Dear Ones:

The following is my journal entry from this morning. It is very vulnerable so I ask for gentle responses. I also ask for continued prayer as this journey is more than an adoption journey. It is a learning and faith journey:

Dear father,
I have pride and fear. I have been so frustrated with having to depend on you Lord. I have wanted to be self sufficient and make things happen on my own. I have had so much fear that you will not come through for us. My grumblings have been eating up my faith. Father forgive me. I know my faith impacts my children's future, Elijah, Noah, Zion, Canaan, and Mercy.
Regardless of my circumstances Father I want to please you. I know I have failed you. Forgive me. I choose this day - every day to serve you. I want habitual fellowship not habitual failure. Please accomplish your will in my life, in my family's lives, in this adoption. Be my provider. Forgive and cleanse my heart. Open the eyes of my heart so I can recognize you at work Father.

"My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please... What I have said, that will I bring about; what I have planned that will I do."
Isaiah 10b & 11b

Father forgive me and increase my faith and trust in you. Please help my pride and my fear.


4 comments:

  1. That is awesome Michelle! I hear some lessons of the Beth Moore study coming through in that. : ) I love it. I know it is going to be so good and I you laying your pride and fear (which, by the way, we all struggle with from time to time) down WILL increase your faith. El Shaddai will be there for you always. Be encouraged my friend, He is proud of you. Sometimes we have to wait for the most precious things in our lives but He will not let you down. I promise... better yet, He promises. Have a blessed day!

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  2. i love you sister, be blessed. I understand some of how you feel. I feel similar quite often with a different situation.

    I think you guys are doing great. If ever you need a baby sitter or anything let me and Ei Ei know. We will see what we can do :D.

    He he romantic nights are a great stress reliever hehe.

    your little chinese food buddy cam. ps if you get me a call on my cell to order some time, i'll try to add in a little something extra for you guys. 540-257-3264 and don't worry about a tip for you guys.

    I want to play racket ball with your husband :D haha.

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  3. I am lifting you up in prayer my friend. You are being refined and although it is painful sometimes, it is a good & necessary process. I am praying for God's clear direction for you regarding your Mercy.

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"As for me and my family, we will serve the Lord."

Joshua 24:15

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