The sad part about all of this is it has affected my main passion, which is my family. Eric has heard more crying than I am sure he cares to, all though he doesn't let on to that. He remains a constant source of support. My thoughts are so full with "figuring it all out" that I don't "think on my boys" like I should. This brings on much guilt. Guilt about my struggling trust. Guilt about what it does to my family. Guilt that I need so much encouragement. Then I doubt. Am I a good wife, mother, friend, person????
I say all this not for you to pity me, my life is very good I don't need pity, but that you will pray for me. Pray that I will grow closer to my heavenly father and that I can really trust him and truly place everything in His hands. Pray for Guatemala and my baby girl there. Pray for the funds. Pray that I am a help not a hinderance to my family. Pray that I get back to where I feel God's good pleasure...when I bless my family, for me nothing is sweeter! Pray that I empty my hands and put all this in His.