Relationship Problems

Hello again Dear Ones:

God crumbled me today. In a good way because He is a good God. I had been feeling like such a project for him. So many internal issues wrestling inside myself.

Character issues. Forgiveness issues. Honor issues. Selfishness. Not a pretty list is it?

If you read my post yesterday I was feeling really bad about honoring the difficult people. I kept thinking what is wrong with me? Why is this so hard? Why doesn't hearing the truth, hearing the word make this any easier? Why do I have to have these issues?

A snipit from one of My Pastors sermons today was on Facebook. I watced it and then I crumbled. It was like a piece of the wall that has had me inprisoned was chipped away.

Yes there have been difficult people in my life. Yes there have been hurts. Some situations left me raw and broken and full recovery has eluded me. Today though it became clear that I am partially to blame. I put people in a position to fill things inside of me that they were not designed to fill. I put them in the position of trying to turn a "good thing into a God thing" the position of  turning " human encouragement into heavenly affirmation"

As this truth crumbled me before the Lord today, I felt hope. I want those walls torn completely down. I want to be set free. I want what only God can give me.

Father God forgive me for putting people in positions that they were not designed for. Forgive me, for ONLY you can affirm my deepest needs. Father God you are so incredibly faithful. Even if I am a huge project you will be faithful to complete the good work you have begun in me.

Take down the walls. Rebuild fresh and new.

Work In Progress

Good Morning Dear Ones:

I hope this Monday morning finds you in a good spot in life. I had a lovely Mothers Day yesterday thanks to my wonderful husband and children. They blessed me with my favorite. Hand written notes. My number one love language is words of encouragement and I simply treasure their precious words from the heart to me. 

Yesterday was also a great sermon at church. It was from the Elevation Honorology series. I had heard this one before and this series remains one of my all time favorites. 

Even though I had heard this particular message before there were things that still fell on me fresh. I can honestly say my heart greatly desires to live a life of honor. For some it comes pretty easy. For instance the people that make deposits in your life. Those who invest and pour into you. Those who make a wrong right. I find my love account is so full for these people that honor comes very naturally. Then there are those people who don't make deposits. Some in fact who only withdraw from your account. I personally find it a great challenge to honor those people. 

Pastor said something yesterday that really struck me. He said it's not based on what they have done for you but based on what He has done for you. WOW huh? It doesn't make honoring difficult people any easier but it has changed my perspective. It is my prayer that if I can keep my perspective in the right place that my actions will fall in line. 

Father god, you know my heart. I want to walk in your ways. I want to live a life of honor. Give me your perspective and value for others. You know where I am weak. In those areas Lord I ask that you change me. Where I am weak,because of you, please make me strong.

A Tribute

Good Morning Dear Ones:

I have had someone special on my mind the past few days. This person has been and always will be very special to me. Pastor Rich. He was our Pastor for over 12 years. I can not even tell you how much I love this man but I am going to try :)

I consider this man a spiritual daddy. The things he taught me on how to love God and love people will never be forgotten. He is one of those people that exemplifies Jesus with skin on.

I don't see Pastor Rich much anymore since our family has moved in a new church direction but I think of him and the time our family had under his leadership often. It is a part of my life I greatly treasure and fondly remember.
I trust Rich implicitly. He always made it safe for you to be real and open and vulnerable and never gave advice without it being asked for. He was always full of grace and never made me feel judged but only loved and valuable. His guidance has been invaluable in our lives.

I owe a great deal of gratitude to Pastor Rich because of being a part of his life, I am a better person. A better mother. A better friend. I personally want to thank him because knowing him has meant our family has grown closer to Jesus and we will never be the same again. He has taught our family about a real genuine faith. He has helped shape and mold our lives.

I hope you get to read this Pastor Richie. Your impact on this family and many many others is not overlooked. I am eternally grateful to know you. I miss you and I love you so very much.


photo credit: Avard Woolaver via photopin cc

Change is Coming I need a MOMent

Good Morning Dear Ones:

I just wanted to tell you a little bit about my evening last night. Eric and I took Elijah our oldest son out to dinner last night to talk about college plans. Honestly this is an area that has been really difficult for me to be OK with. Not because of my Elijah mind you. Elijah is seriously one of the finest human beings I know. He loves God, loves his family and loves others.  I could not be more proud of who he is. And I know that I know that I will feel the same about who he will be.

It is hard for me to grasp that this time is upon us. This precious boy of mine is becoming a man. He's not my little boy anymore and I am caught between being very proud and at the same time wanting to freeze time.

This change is not easy. I not only love this kid but I really really like him and my heart begins to throb when I think about how much I am going to miss him. I mean it literally aches and so I stuff it down until I have to think about it.

I just have to focus on how blessed I am. Thank you Lord that you gave Eric and I Elijah. Thank you for helping us every step of the way. Some things we did right and others we grossly messed up but ultimately he is yours. Praise the Lord, He is YOURS!!! Keep your loving hand upon him. Bless Him. Use Him. Fulfill your design for His life and thank you sweet Jesus for letting me share in it.

Oh and help my Mamas heart let go ...it is one of the hardest things I have before me.

photo credit: admitchell08 via photopin cc

Interruption or Invitation?

Hi Dear Ones:

I know it has been a while. My It Works! business has really been taking off. Even as I type that I sit and shake my head. Because I had told myself NEVER again would I try a home business. But It Works! is WORKING!!! I am in my third month and have come further along in that short time than I did in more than a years time with anything else. So I just wanted to share how excited I am by what has taken place and I am even more excited about what is to come. Thank you to everyone who has loved me along my "trying" journey. I really love this quote by Thomas Edison, " I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that wont work." All that to say that I am really glad I gave it another shot. I do praise the Lord for bringing this to my path.

Now on to what I really had on my heart tonight. Some areas of my life, like the one mentioned above, I have been completely enamored with. Just so delighted by the experience. Then other things have been quite the contrary. I have even been a little miserable with how some areas have been playing out.

Some areas I have felt like I have kind of lost myself in the shuffle. I will try my best to explain.  I used to be more purposeful. Especially in areas of my family. We used to have regular outing with the kids one on one so they knew their individual importance and didn't get lost in the crowd. We used to have family meetings once a week so we just stayed connected as a family unit. As responsibilities in our family swelled those occasions became less frequent and some months non existent. Things that at one point I considered part of my calling became inconvenient.

We missed church this morning because 2 of our 6 were down with fevers, so we watched Pastor Furtick preach the 4th message of his In.Fin.8 series online so we wouldn't miss it. It was just what I needed, exactly when I needed it. I had been struggling with why couldn't I get back to my default setting. Where had my purposing gone?

Pastor Furtick posed this question:

"Are you consumed with your calling or with your convenience?"

Yep it sorta took my breath away. I think sometimes you can get worn down and you "call things like you see them and not how God see's them." Do I see what God has put before me as an interruption or as an invitation? Do I call what is before me overwhelming, too hard, monotonous, etc. etc. or do I call it how God see's it. An invitation to see his power. An invitation to my calling.

Pastor said something to this effect this morning:

Misery is inevitable anytime convenience is your consumption and God will consume your convenience to get you consumed with his calling.

So there it was. All the areas where misery was creeping in was my own consumption with convenience. My own calling things as I see them.

I am welled up right now as the whole thing settles on my heart. I have been praying over certain areas for quite a while and I have had the wrong perspective the whole time. Father God forgive me.  I have been consumed with my comfort and my convenience. I have felt interrupted and I have missed invitations. Help me where I am weak and show yourself strong. I don't want "todays excuses to become tomorrows regrets, dressed in disguise." "Turn my misery into ministry." Thank you for you faithfulness to redirect. Thank you for your redemption.

You have blessed me! I am calling it like you see it. Consume me with your calling. I don't want to miss the invitation.

photo credit: Debs (ò‿ó)♪ via photopin cc

Special Siblings for Special Needs Kids

Hello Dear Ones:

If you are a parent of a special needs child then you know firsthand all the responsibilities and rewards that go along with your place in life. Eric and I have not been in the midst of it all on our own. Before we adopted our daughters we were blessed with four sons the homemade way.

I wanted to use this post to express just how SPECIAL they are. They have a very special place in this family unit. I have seen my sons grow in many ways since our daughters have joined our family.

First and foremost they have grown in their faith. Elijah himself told me once that all the struggle with the adoption process and with special needs was just preparation. Because real life and real faith are not easy. Talk about maturity from a 15 year old kid at the time. My sons are young men of faith, with living and real relationships with God.

My sons have grown in love. I have seen these boys love and nurture two sweet little girls inflicted innocently with fetal alcohol syndrome. They don't tolerate or put up with these two little girls. They genuinely love and adore them. They are proud of them. They are affectionate with them. They are encouraging to them. They are helpful to them. They simply are the definition of big brothers at it's finest.

My sons have grown in understanding. Just like Eric and I, they realize that life isn't always black and white. Special needs brings with it a lot of grey areas. My sons have more grace in their lives because of it.

My sons have grown in responsibility. They can medicate, feed, clean, dress, and care for their sisters on a very reliable and trustworthy level. They more then most know what goes into their care and can provide it astoundingly well.

My sons have grown in encouragement. They can see the hard times and because of their great faith, love and understanding they can find compassion and truth when discouragement and doubt comes knocking at the door.

So to Elijah, Noah, Zion and Canaan I say this. You are all very special indeed. Living with special needs isn't easy but you guys all make it heartwarming. I could not be more proud of who you are and I am blessed to be witness to who you are becoming. Jubilee and Mercy have been given amazing gifts with their special brothers.

I Want to be a But Head

Good Morning Dear Ones:

This is kind of a part two to my last post Know Your enemy. I think we can all agree that our real enemy is a real butt head. 

I follow Lysa TerKeurst on facebook and her status post this morning was this:

"When I'm distracted by one wrong thing, I can miss out in seeing the many right things. I think this is a tactic the enemy uses against me. Against you. Against us.

So, today when this starts happening, let's stop our negative hyper focus by saying, “but”…and start listing things that are right."

Man does the enemy get me with this tactic. So I started thinking and decided you know I can really get that butt head if I would just be a but head.

I am going to take Lysa's advice to heart. Im going to make a conscience effort, when those negative hyper focus issues come at me, to list the many things that are right. I am going to call it my spiritual headbutt.